How to Interview Your Parents About Their Life Story

There's a moment that comes for everyone—sometimes gradually, sometimes all at once—when you realize your parents won't be here forever. And with them will go stories you never thought to ask about. The name of their childhood best friend. What they dreamed of becoming before life had other plans. The moment they knew they wanted to marry each other.

These stories exist right now, waiting to be asked. This guide will help you ask the right questions, create the right environment, and preserve conversations that your family will treasure for generations.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

Your parents carry stories that exist nowhere else in the world. Not in photo albums. Not in documents. Only in their memories.

Some of these stories you've heard fragments of—the family legends that get referenced at holidays. But most of their life experiences have never been spoken aloud to anyone. The quiet moments. The small decisions that changed everything. The people who shaped them before you existed.

When these stories go unrecorded, they don't just disappear. They take with them context for your own life. Why did your family move to this town? What was your grandmother really like? Why does your father get quiet when certain topics come up?

Your parents' stories aren't just their history. They're the prologue to yours.

Before You Begin: Setting the Stage

Choose the Right Time

Don't ambush your parents with deep questions over a rushed breakfast. Set aside dedicated time when:

• There's no time pressure

• Everyone is relaxed and comfortable

• The TV is off

• Phones are put away

• You won't be interrupted

Sunday afternoons work well. So do long car rides (though you can't take notes). Holiday visits can work, but avoid the chaos of the main event—the day after Thanksgiving is better than Thanksgiving itself.

Choose the Right Place

Environment shapes conversation. The best settings are:

• Their home: Surrounded by their possessions, photos, and familiar objects that trigger memories

• A meaningful location: Their childhood neighborhood, the restaurant where they had their first date, the park where they used to take you

• Somewhere comfortable: Their favorite chair, a quiet corner of a coffee shop they love

Avoid formal settings. You're not conducting a job interview. You're having a conversation.

Set Expectations

Before you begin, explain what you're doing and why:

"I've been thinking about how much of your life I don't know about. I'd love to hear some of your stories—not for any particular reason, just because I want to know. Is it okay if I take some notes (or record this) so I don't forget?"

Some parents will be touched. Others might be uncomfortable or dismissive ("There's nothing interesting about my life"). If they resist, don't push. Plant the seed and try again another time. Sometimes it helps to start with a specific question rather than announcing a formal "interview."

The Art of Asking Questions

Start Easy

Don't begin with "What's your biggest regret?" Start with simple, concrete questions that are easy to answer:

• "What was your address when you were growing up?"

• "What did your bedroom look like?"

• "What did you eat for breakfast as a kid?"

These warm-up questions get the memory flowing without requiring deep reflection.

Be Specific, Not General

Instead of: "What was your childhood like?"

Ask: "What did you do on a typical Saturday when you were ten?"

Instead of: "Tell me about your parents."

Ask: "What did your mother's hands look like? What do you remember her doing with them?"

Instead of: "How did you meet Mom/Dad?"

Ask: "What were you wearing the first time you saw each other?"

Specific questions unlock specific memories. General questions get general answers.

Follow the Tangent

When your parent starts to wander off-topic, resist the urge to steer them back. The tangent often leads to the most interesting stories.

If your mother is telling you about her first job and suddenly starts talking about her college roommate, follow that thread. You can always come back to the job later. The spontaneous connections your parent makes reveal what memories are linked in their mind.

Use Objects as Prompts

The power of artifacts. Look through photo albums together. Pick up objects around their home. Ask:

• "Where did this come from?"

• "Who gave this to you?"

• "Why did you keep this all these years?"

Physical objects bypass the "I don't know what to talk about" problem. They give your parent something specific to respond to.

Embrace Silence

When you ask a question, wait. Don't rush to fill the silence or rephrase. Sometimes it takes a moment for memories to surface. Your parent might be deciding whether to share something, or they might be genuinely trying to remember.

A pause doesn't mean you asked the wrong question. It means the question is working.

50 Questions to Ask Your Parents

Childhood and Growing Up

1. What's your earliest memory?

2. Describe the house you grew up in. What did each room look like?

3. What was your neighborhood like? Who lived nearby?

4. What games did you play? Who did you play with?

5. What did you want to be when you grew up?

6. What was your favorite thing to do after school?

7. What were you afraid of as a child?

8. What was your family's financial situation? Did you know it at the time?

9. What was something you got in trouble for?

10. What was your favorite meal that your mother/father made?

Parents and Family

1. What were your parents like as people, not just as parents?

2. How did your parents meet?

3. What did your parents argue about? How did they resolve conflicts?

4. What do you wish you had asked your parents before they died?

5. What's something your parents sacrificed for you?

6. How did your parents show love?

7. What family traditions do you remember?

8. What was your relationship like with your siblings?

9. Who in your family are you most like?

10. What family secrets did you learn about as an adult?

School and Education

1. Who was your favorite teacher? What made them special?

2. What subject did you love? Which did you dread?

3. Were you a good student? Did you care about grades?

4. What's your most vivid memory from high school?

5. Did you go to college? Why or why not?

6. What did you learn in school that you still use today?

Love and Relationships

1. Tell me about your first crush.

2. What was your first heartbreak?

3. How did you know Mom/Dad was "the one"?

4. What almost broke you up before you got married?

5. What's the best advice you could give about relationships?

6. What do you know now about love that you wish you'd known at 20?

Work and Career

1. What was your first job?

2. What was your dream career? Did you pursue it?

3. Who was a mentor to you?

4. What was your proudest professional moment?

5. What was your biggest career mistake?

6. If you could do your career over, what would you change?

Major Life Events

1. What's the happiest day you can remember?

2. What's the hardest thing you've ever been through?

3. Was there a moment that changed the direction of your life?

4. What's something you've never told anyone?

5. What do you wish you had done differently?

6. What are you most proud of?

Becoming a Parent

1. What did you feel when you found out you were going to be a parent?

2. What was I like as a baby? A toddler? A child?

3. What surprised you most about being a parent?

4. What's something you tried hard to teach me? Did it work?

5. What's your favorite memory of us together?

6. Is there anything you wish you had done differently as a parent?

Handling Difficult Moments

When They Don't Want to Talk About Something

Respect boundaries. If a topic makes your parent uncomfortable, don't push. You might say:

"That's okay—we don't have to talk about that. Let's move on to something else."

Sometimes boundaries soften over time. What they won't discuss today might be shareable next year.

When Emotions Surface

Old memories can bring up old feelings. If your parent becomes emotional:

• Don't rush to change the subject

• Offer a tissue and a moment

• Say something like, "Take your time" or simply "I'm glad you're sharing this with me"

• Let them decide whether to continue

Tears aren't a sign that you did something wrong. They're a sign that you've touched something real.

When Stories Conflict with Your Memory

You might hear a version of events that differs from what you remember or what you've been told before. Don't argue. Memory is subjective. Everyone remembers the same events differently.

If it matters, you can gently ask: "That's interesting—I always thought it happened differently. Tell me more about your perspective."

When They Claim Their Life Isn't Interesting

Many people, especially from older generations, dismiss their own stories as unimportant. Combat this by:

• Being specific: "Maybe, but I'd still love to know what the first apartment you rented was like."

• Showing genuine interest: Your curiosity validates their experience

• Reminding them: "Your stories are important to me. I want to know where I come from."

Recording and Preserving

Taking Notes

If you're writing by hand:

• Use abbreviations you'll understand later

• Capture key phrases and specific details

• Write down names, dates, and places exactly as stated

• Note follow-up questions that occur to you

Audio Recording

If your parent consents to being recorded:

• Use a simple recording app on your phone

• Place the phone between you, not in their face

• Test that it's working before you begin

• Don't obsess over the recording—stay present in the conversation

• Transcribe meaningful sections soon after, while your memory is fresh

Video Recording

Video captures expressions, gestures, and personality. But it can also make people self-conscious. Consider:

• Starting with audio-only to help them relax

• Setting up the camera unobtrusively

• Conducting multiple sessions so they become comfortable

What to Do With What You Learn

Write It Down

As soon as possible after the conversation, expand your notes. Fill in details while they're fresh. Write down quotes as accurately as you can remember.

Organize by Theme

Group stories by topic: childhood, career, marriage, parenting. This makes it easier to find specific memories later and reveals gaps you might want to fill in future conversations.

Share With Family

Your siblings might want to hear these stories too—or might have their own questions to add. Consider creating a shared document or scheduling a group conversation.

Return for More

One conversation won't capture everything. Plan follow-up sessions. Use what you learned to ask deeper questions next time.

Preserve It

Consider:

• A private family blog or shared document

• A printed memory book

• A memoir compiled from multiple conversations

• Audio files saved in multiple locations

The Questions You'll Wish You Asked

No matter how thorough you are, you'll think of more questions later. That's okay. The point isn't to capture everything—it's to start capturing anything.

Begin now, while you can. The perfect time to ask your parents about their lives isn't when you're "ready" or when you have the "right questions." It's today. It's this weekend. It's the next time you're together.

Because the stories are there, waiting. And every story you capture is one that won't be lost.

Digital Memoirs makes preserving family stories simple with guided prompts and collaborative features. Invite family members to contribute their own memories and create a memoir together—start your free journey today. Download Digital Memoirs and begin today.